After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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