You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
