Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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