I'm sorry my penis didn't work
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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