I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
