Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We are all done wearing pants today
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
