you traded sex for a burrito?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
