Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
