my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
