piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
