and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
