Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
