You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
