if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
