hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize