so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
