11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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