you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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