Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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