it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
zippers are such a cool invention
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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