your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
