You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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