Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
