I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
