He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
