dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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