you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
