I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
