My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
