how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
