I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
