You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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