so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
