I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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