well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
