Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
