ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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