i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
