Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
