do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
