i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
