She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
