just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
