addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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