lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
