He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he thought i was a dude.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
