please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
