I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
