I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Drake has all the answers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
