remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
