I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I look better un-naked...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
