Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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