the condom got lost in my hair
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
